You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
