Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
