nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
