how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
