I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
