i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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