So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
