Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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