I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
