So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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