I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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