I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
