So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
