dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
