u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
