Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
