Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
