i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
