my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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