Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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