Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
whose parrot is this?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
