Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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