I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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