You're earring is so big in my mouth
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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