you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
