Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
