I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
