Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
