happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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