I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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