Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
