were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
