worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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