i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
