Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
