Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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