all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
