I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
