were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The power of my boobs compel you
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
