U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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