Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize