just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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