I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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