she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
