Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
