You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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