Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
