So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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