i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
