That's intense
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
