Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This toilet bowl is my home.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
