Pappa wants mamma naked
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
