is your mom at the bar?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
