uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
ok first of all what the fuck
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
