Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
