Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
