I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
