i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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