Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
