How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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