She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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