i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
