Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
