My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
