i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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