you guys were way drunker than both of me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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