she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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