Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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