i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
