i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
