apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
