I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
