Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
